If I Never Knew You

If I never knew you I'd be safe but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true I'm so grateful to you I'd have lived my whole life through Lost forever If I never knew you
 -"If I Never Knew You," Pocahontas

     I'm not writing about a new love that's suddenly sprung up in my life, but an old one that never leaves, and continues to bless in so many ways.

This week was my midterm week, and I was in a panic.  I had no idea how I was going to take care of all my responsibilities and yet get to sleep.  I'm kinda a bear if I don't get enough sleep.  My Sunday was taken up by an incredibly long Events Team meeting that lasted from 4 in the afternoon to 8 that night.  It was more of an orientation of new expectations and review, and though it felt unnecessary for me, personally, it was a requirement

and I did get paid.  I'll deal with that! But I also had a test the next day, and I had to fit in painting time on the USF logo, drive to Outback Steakhouse to ask for a donation (fourth attempt... I'm great), and take a Art History Quiz that night,  not to mention class.  Oh! And a Government paper! I was rather stressed.  I'm the kind of person that the amount of things stresses me out far more than the actual item.  I have a mental list of at least 4 days worth of life requirements constantly going through my head, then I'll randomly start contemplating the next big steps for myself, like this next summer.  

The funny thing is, is that when Monday came, I requested to my voice teacher that we skip lessons, seeing that I just simply wasn't ready, and I promised to make it up soon.  She was still rather stoked that I had performed at the first departmental, so I was absolutely fine in that.  Got to studying with the (sort of?) help of Katie on Skype.  Actually, I believe I ranted, in a joking way, on how I never will care what a carb is and how I didn't want to study it.  The test wasn't atrocious, and I got out of there in good time.  I painted for about an hour and a half, and then ran back to my room for my favorite show, Castle.  

I have two shows.  Castle and Glee, and those are about the only scheduled shows that I don't miss.  I was watching the Breaking Amish show, but they just make me mad.  I don't like people making obviously stupid mistakes on TV.  I see enough people do that in my hometown and at school to like it.  But I do like talking about it with Katie and my roommate Sarah.  Anyway, I was trying to read for my Art History quiz during the commercials, and it wasn't working too well.  Then after Castle was the coverage on the man that was being given the death penalty that night.  It was so fascinating to watch the coverage.  I have opinions on all that, but I don't want to get into it on here.  This will be long enough as it is!! Anyway, it's getting later, and I decide that I will just take the online quiz once and see how I do.  I can take it twice, and we can use the book, but it's over 5 chapters, and has very obscure information, in my opinion.  So I start.  I'm timed at 45 minutes, and when I finish, I check my score.  26/30! On my first go! I guessed on a bunch! That's a better score than the one I spent several hours high-lighting my book!! I quit then and there! I'm not taking it again, I'm proud of that score! It was a HUGE relief when that happened, and I honestly threw up a thanks to God for that small amount of peace I was given.  I threw together my Government paper, which wasn't hard at all.  I have a gift with papers.  LOVE writing them.  I needed to make sure I printed my SSN for my first day at Hobby Lobby, so I printed both, and even got to bed before 12:30am.  An amazing feat for a college student, let me tell you!

Tuesday I was just as stressed.  I was to have my first day at Hobby Lobby, and I didn't know  how long it would take to get there.  Driving will always make me nervous.  That semi accident really has never left the back of my mind, and I dwell on how easy it is while I'm driving from time to time.  I asked my choir professor if I could leave early and he gave me permission.  I got there 20 minutes early, and just chilled in my van until then.  It was so weird.  I had no idea what was going on.   First Darrel, my boss, comes in and says there's good news and bad news.  I started to panic that he was going to have me work over 4 State and miss my friends, but instead he tells me I"m going to work in framing rather than cashier!! I was really happy with that! I'm not excellent with numbers, and I'd hate to mess up someone's payment.  People aren't nice when money is involved.   Framing is also something my high school and college professor said was a good thing to know for your own art.  Another blessing.  But it was truck day, and I was sent to unpack boxes for a long time.  I need to remind myself always to eat before or bring a snack, cause that was AWFUL! I was so hungry I had a headache.  I had a Psych test the next day, so as soon as I got back to school I got my handy-dandy pizza maker and a Tombstone Extra Cheese Pizza, and got to work.  I had no idea how to find the answers to this study guide.  Our professor gives us the questions on the test, and if we remember the order of the answers we find and what they are, we're golden.  I did really bad on the first one because I could not get the answers.  I have an old edition of the book and it makes it challenging sometimes, besides the fact that he's not an excellent teacher.  Nice guy, but can't teach.  I'm sitting there, and my friend Denise comes in, and I offer her some of my pizza.  We're chatting, when her roommate comes in, and we're chatting, and Psych comes up.  Her and a couple other people got together and found all the answers.  So she hands me all the answers to the test.  She saved me 7 + hours of searching and making it up.  HUGE BLESSING.  Then I found out the printer had been out of paper since the previous evening, so I felt doubly blessed that I had gotten things done early enough that I wasn't running all over campus for paper, which would have probably make me cry with stress if it had happened.  

The test went fine the next morning, and work that night was just as boring, but I got to meet some neat people, and see what a real day will be like.  I'm pretty sure I will like it.  I will probably tell more as I learn about the processes.  The next day was make up of just classes, work, and then making Alison and Autumn's birthday presents.  I made Katie's the night before.  

I was thinking, Wednesday night, when I originally started this post, how absolutely blessed I've been.  Little things like paper in the printers, kind people and other students, little girls in gyms that tell you your pony tail is pretty, really just bless me beyond belief.  Sometimes I think I pray just to do it.  That I 'think' it will make it better, but when it 'doesn't' I don't bat an eye.  Each day though, it was like another weight was lifted off my shoulders until all I could do was do a happy dance around my room! I was free!! 

4 State was really great! It was so nice to see everyone.  I had breakfast dishes both mornings and Saturday afternoon was spent in the craft room.  Me and Katie goofed around and I got to rock my new Bambi shirt for the first time! My sister and her friends came Saturday morning with my dad, and it was just a great reunion.  It was a rush to leave, because Val wanted to be back for a basketball thing she didn't even go to.  I had to get a picture with Autumn though.  When making her present, I found that there wasn't a single picture taken of just me and her! That was a gross injustice to our friendship, so it had to change.  And it did! Camie commented on my pictures, and it was a great compliment from a great photographer.  I wanted to make sure to get some good ones at camp times other than the summer.  My art show is counting on me! :)  Sue's also given me a fun project.  Fun secrets!! You'll all love it :D.

If I never knew You, I would never felt this love.  Never know that I could feel a love so strong and true.  At different points I was just humbled by the love I've been shown.  Not that I'm not shown the same amount of love at low points, but the evidence of this love was just so strong that it couldn't be passed of.  I'd been given a job, several in fact, and I hadn't messed up any school paperwork.  I had been able to hang out with people from school rather than sitting in a lonely part of my mind, contemplating all the wrongs that have been handed me.  I found a church that I really like, thanks to Stacy Bender, and they are interested in me as a person and college student rather than just a random number.  Even though Facebook is a silly thing to make you happy, I've been getting so much encouragement from it as well!  I also include my dear friends of VCBC in this.  If I never knew you, Katie, Alison, Autumn, and so many others, I think I would have forgotten what real friendship was like.  I don't think anyone but Bethany can understand what I'm talking about, and I know the other best friends I have now been blessed with will never understand fully why I'm always trying to talk with them and send them cute pictures about friendship.  As silly as I make them, or as cheesy as they seem, I am almost always meaning those things in a completely and 100% honest way.  I do love my friends that much.  It may just be the golden retriever in me, but I am never going to stop being the kind of friend these amazing people deserve. 

 I really hope and pray that these happy times continue.  It's been a great long stretch! And I have great things coming up!