We had our choir retreat this weekend, and I was not looking forward to it at all. I was miserable last year. No one really bothered to talk to me at all, and it was pretty much the closest thing to torture I could think of. Although I knew I had friends in choir now, I still wasn't exactly excited about it.
I was also really nervous about this weekend, because I felt something needed to be said. Last year the choir had a candle-lit ceremony, for lack of a better word, where we all shared why we loved music or how we came to USF or anything along that line. I felt I needed to talk to the old members about their treatment of new ones. I was so scared of stepping on the toes of those members that I was intimidated by the year before, but I am different than I was last year. I was going to do this and make sure that no one was left alone like I was last year. No one should have to deal with that.
I was in the middle of the circle/line of people, getting ready to talk. I had been thinking about what I was going to say for three days previously, and I was worried that I was either going to cry, or rip them appart, and I DID NOT want either to happen. Before the circle, however, we did all get to hang out, and I found that the choir had drastically changed from what it was. The new members were integrated right in, and no one was truly left behind. Should I say something still? It's so different, most of those who hurt me are gone now... Should I? I did. When it came to me, I decided to open it up with a joke about how I'd been thinking about this for the time I had. The laughter warmed me up, and I told them all of the deep hurt I had the last year, and how I had hated choir for that reason. I told them how I had pretty much slept my days away so that I wouldn't have to feel that loneliness anymore. I spoke to the old members and just told them that they can't let that happen again. How we can't just expect them to come to us. We have to go to them as well. They may be too scared, as I was, or can't think of a word to say. I've found just over that small 'speech' I gave, that I have a huge heart for the lonely, just because I know exactly what they were going through. I understand completely.
What I wasn't expecting, however, was the reaction to my words. There was still half a circle to go, and several people spoke off of what I said. One of the new members, spoke about me directly, and said how good he felt about being in a group that people felt so welcome to share how they were really feeling, and commended me for it, saying I was brave. That cracked me up a little bit, but it touched me as well. After the circle broke up, a lot of the girls came up and hugged me and said how sorry they were. They didn't mean it at all, and I knew they didn't. They're all great people, they were just blind. It always reminds me of that song by Brandon Heath.
Give me your eyes for just one secondGive me your eyes so I can seeEverything that I keep missingGive me your love for humanityGive me your arms for the broken heartedThe ones that are far beyond my reachGive me you heart for the ones forgottenGive me your eyes so I can see
-"Give Me Your Eyes," Brandon Heath
I had to pick "God Help the Outcasts" for my title, because that's the prayer of my heart. That no one gets left behind, and I don't mean that in the school sense either! I had boys that apologized too, and my dear friend Debbi was crying and just hugged me for a good 5 minutes. She took me to get my first drink ever (and only drink ever) in Amsterdam, so I have a special friendship with her. I'm really hoping this year will let me hang out with her more! We have a Spring Break choir tour in LA this year, so that'll give me plenty of time to be with her and everyone in the choir!
The rest of the weekend was really fun, but Saturday we returned home and I had to go to work for the Events Team. Oh. My. Goodness. People are disgusting. I had to clean the complex after a football game, and it was just... words can't describe. THROW YOUR STINKIN' TRASH AWAY!! It took about an hour for 5 people to clear the bleachers of popcorn buckets, paper plates, pop bottles, powerade, newspapers, and other items of trash. I was not exactly happy. Every time I had to do an event like that, I always remember my high school janitor, Harris. We all love him at the high school. If you need something done, he's the one to go to. I even have his cell number from when I was in high school! He does so much work, and I hate it when I was at a game, people would leave their trash, saying it was the janitor's job. THEY DON'T WANT TO CLEAN YOUR TRASH!! I'm not mad, by the way. Ok, maybe a little, but seriously! The trash can is right there people! We cleaned that place from 4-7:15, and I was so beat. Then I had another cleaning job in our art/music/theater building, Jeschke. Then I could relax. Yay for The Lion King VHS!
I also attended church for the first time of the year at Oak Hills Baptist, and I have to say, I loved it. It really reminded me of a mixture of camp and home, and I think that's why I like it so much. The sermon was entitled "Beauty and the Beast", which cracked me up even more. I even met one of the new members of the choir there! The poor thing had obviously been crying, whether it be from the sermon or the first time at a church away from home, I was happy to go and sit with her and the gals that she had came from. The church had college students day, where they provided a meal and 6 packs of pop, water, or gatorade for us to take home. It was so nice, and I think my home church should try something like that. Ellsworth or UNI students need Jesus's love shown to them just as much as people in the city of Sioux Falls.
Starting the second week of school, and I don't think I've ever had a better start to a school year. Thank you God for your many blessings! And God, Help the Outcasts.
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