Friendship

In the Chinese Zodiac, I am a goat.  One of the traits of a 'goat' is loyalty.  That means that I hold my friendships tightly.  If I decide to be your friend, I will do whatever I can in my power to make your life better.  That's just how I am. And when these friends hurt me, it's a very deep hurt.

South Dakota is where my college is, and it was hard to move out here.  I knew only one person in the entire state, and she was a very busy soul.  I depended on my friends back home to fill the void of loneliness I had been thrust into.  And yet there was nothing.  I would go weeks without a text message, without a Facebook post, and without a single call.  I tried to get by.  I made a few friends.  But that pain would not go away.  I finally got a couple messages from one friend.  I wanted to know why I wasn't hearing from one friend.  Let's call her Sasha. 

Now, in high school me and Sasha liked the same boy.  She liked him first, of course.  I only got interested after she got me to look at him.  Neither of us ever did a thing to go for him, but we always liked him.  She would get teased something awful, because her crush was a lot more obvious than mine.  At least, that's what I liked to believe.  Not sure if it's true.  But upon finding out, after a semester, that my chosen college was a piece of crap, my friend Aubri told me of USF, and it sounded like a dream come true.  This school also happened to be where this boy ended up going.  I didn't care, but apparently Sasha did.  She was furious with me because I was 'chasing' him. 

In my friendships, I've learned to share everything.  My friends know me so very well.  They know some things that only my immediate family knows about me.  They know things that my family doesn't know about me.  The should know me well enough to know I would not go chasing this boy.  They should know. 

Now it's been a year since I learned of Sasha's fury, but I didn't expect the rest of the "Society," as my pretend brother Kendal called us, to completely disown me based on a simple distance.  This "Best Friends Forever" fantasy isn't all it's cracked up to be.  

Now, the reason why these feelings are so fresh and new, a year later, is because the scabs have been ripped off, and the lay bleeding once more.  The pretend 'mi hermana' of Sasha, is getting married.  She's 18 years old, known the guy for less than a year.  Now that wouldn't mean a thing to me if she had told me she was engaged.  Know how I found out?? I got a wedding invite ON FACEBOOK! I go from hugging her why she cried, explaining biblical truths, cheerleading, proms, camping trips, Lifelight trips, and car rides to a simple Facebook invite.  This 'goat' feels like her horns have been ripped out.  

I don't know if these people I've mentioned bother to look at my Facebook anymore, but if they bother to read this, I hope they know that I'm a 'goat.'  I'm loyal to the end.  But I'm a hurting goat, and while I forgive you, this goat wishes for an apology. 

All my other friends out there, I could use a hug, verbal or physical :(